


There Are Things He Doesn't Know

by sirknightmordred



Series: Alec Has A Painful Past [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9328835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirknightmordred/pseuds/sirknightmordred
Summary: Alec has a painful past. Magnus only wants to help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing is explicitly stated about abuse, or anything of that nature. But it is implied. So I tagged it as such.

 There are things he doesn’t know about Alexander Lightwood. Secrets and pain buried deep beneath that shadowhunter’s well placed armour. Things he doesn’t tell anyone, that no one knows about. Things Magnus hopes one day he will be able to tell him, because what a burden that must be. Magnus knows pain and fear and things that you bury so far that no one will be able to reach. Magnus _knows_. He also knows he can never mention anything to Alec. He has to come to him. That’s how it is. Magnus has been alive a long time and he’s learned this through a many of trial and error… But even through all that he knows that whatever Alec carries is far deeper and painful than anything he’s seen in another.

 Magnus Bane has been through stuff too. He’s felt pain and sorrow and he’s felt ashamed to be who he is. He understands what Alec is going through, he really does. But Alec doesn’t seem to want his help. He doesn’t open up to him, he hardly ever shares his feelings, but that’s okay, because they communicate through other means. Like when Alec tugs on his shirt when he’s scared or looking for reassurance or both. Or when Magnus gives him that smile that tells him he did well, so well. They have their own language in the way Alec says Magnus’s names when he calls for him; or when Magnus nods his head in confirmation that it’s okay for whatever Alec is planning to do. They work well together. They know one another through body language, through words that are hardly spoken, to the way they look at one another. And through all this Magnus has yet to call Alec predictable; and so when Magnus opens the door and finds Alec shaking on the other side, he’s not surprised, and surprised at the same time.

“Alexander.” He breathes his name like a prayer as he takes a step towards the shivering man. Almost immediately Alec takes one step back, mirroring his own. Magnus freezes at the implication of that gesture. Alexander, his Alexander doesn’t want him near him. It hurts, it hurts a lot, but not as much as the fact that he knows Alec is in pain and there might not be much he can do according to the way that he is reacting to him. Magnus knows he has to act very gingerly as of now.

“Alexander, darling, I won’t touch you, okay? I’m not going to move any closer to you, alright?” Magnus says gently and with much worry as he looks to Alec for some kind of response or understanding to what he is saying. And finally after a few moments of heart retching silence Alec nods his head ever so slightly. It makes Magnus’s lips turn up slightly in relief. “Okay, okay. Can you walk, dear? Just a few steps so that you’re in the apartment.” Alec doesn’t move. “Please, darling. For me.”

 Magnus resists the urge to reach out and help Alec inside as he takes two very tentative steps forward. Once he’s fully in the apartment, Magnus slowly reaches around him and shuts the door. As he steps away Alec turns quickly, so quickly that Magnus doesn’t register what he’s doing until a few minutes after the deed is done. That being the door locked and bolted. Magnus never locks his door, ever. Who would dare enter his home? No one, that’s who. Up until a few weeks ago he didn’t even have a key. But he had gotten one just for Alec. Just for him.

“Alexander, darling, I can’t read minds. Even I’m not that good.” He attempts a smile. “Please, tell me what you need. How can I help you?”

 Magnus’s heart twists painfully as Alec stutters out the words, “W-w-water.”

 The words had hardly left his mouth before blue smoke erupts from Magnus hands, disappearing just as rapidly to reveal a cup of water. He holds it out to Alec who takes it with shaking hands. He gulps it all down in one go. Magnus is about to ask what else he needs when Alec takes a ~~step forward, and then another. It looks as though he can barely move, but before Magnus can blink he has his arms full of~~ deep breath and says, “Sh-shower. Please?” He’s look up at Magnus through his eyelashes. It’s not like Magnus could ever deny him anything before, and especially not now.

“Of course, dear. Do you need some help getti-“

“I’ve got it.” His voice is hoarse, but sure, surer than the last time he spoke.

“Alright.” Agrees Magnus but he is already gone, down the hall and in the bathroom. A few seconds later and the shower starts. Magnus heaves a great sigh and moves to his bedroom and to his closet. He starts to look for clothes for Alec when he spots a pair of sweatpants Alec left here before. Magnus reaches out to grab it when he notices that his hand is shaking. He’s shaking. And he can’t seem to stop. Before he knows it tears are falling and he’s crying. He’s crying. He can’t seem to stop. It’s been so long since he’s cried. He’s- God he’s so tired. His poor Alexander. What has that boy been locking away? What is going on with him? Why is he in so much pain? Why- What-

 Magnus stands up (when did he sit down?) and quickly wipes the tears away. He ignores the stabbing and throbbing of his heart for Alec and picks out one of his larger less brightly lit shirts. Alec has yet to admit it, but Magnus knows he likes to wear things of his, anything that fits that is, seeing as how he’s a bit smaller than him. Magnus then gets a pair of boxers and walks over to the bathroom where the shower is running. He leaves the clothes in a neat pile outside the door. Usually he would knock and call out, but he knows better by now. When Alec gets this way, he needs silence, and patience. Magnus can give him that, if that’s all he can give him, he can give him that.

 Magnus makes his way to the couch where Chairman Meow is stretched out and sits beside him. He grabs the fuzzy pink blanket and folds it up. He leaves it sitting on his other, empty side. When Alec gets out of the shower he will usually make a beeline to this blanket. It’s obviously his favourite. Maybe he will sit next to him even. Usually Alec will ask if he can sleep over and Magnus will say of course. Then he’ll go to the guest room, asking shyly if he can have the blanket. Magnus would give him a soft smile and say ‘of course’ again. He likes those moments. They’re nice. And he feels like he’s doing something; helping.

 After a few more minutes of Magnus petting Chairman Meow Alec stands in front of Magnus. He reaches out for the blanket without a word. It’s different than the usual but maybe Alec is finally feeling more comfortable here. So Magnus considers it a win. And just as he expects the request to stay the night Alec sits down beside him, wrapping the blanket around himself and Magnus. Before he can react Alec’s head is on his shoulder. There’s a few moments with only the sound of their mixed breathing before Magnus looks down at Alec who has his eyes closed. He’s so beautiful.

“You- You can put your arm around me if- if you want. If this-s-s okay.” Alec says slowly, still with his eyes closed.

“It’s more than okay.” Magnus replies with a soft smile on his face as he reaches his arm around his Alexander.

 Alec sighs in contentment. “Thank you.”

Magnus’s heart warms. “I’ll always be here for you, Alexander.”

 There’s a beat of silence before, “Always?”

“Always, darling.” Magnus reassures.

“Magnus… There’s something I’ve never told you.” Magnus looks over as Alec says these words. His eyes are wide open and bright- wild.

“It’s alright, dear. You don’t have to-“

“Please.” Alec says. “I need to.”

He’s shaking again. Magnus’s hold gets a little bit tighter.

“I’m right here.” Magnus says. “Right here. It’s okay.”

“I- I can't talk about it. I can't- It's all my fault. And I can't- I'm so sorry. I'm-"

 And then he’s crying. Shaking and sobbing. And Magnus’s heart has never ached this much for anyone ever before as he holds his Alexander closer to him. He pets his hair and whispers reassuring words into his ear. All the while telling him that whatever it is, it isn’t his fault. It never is. He understands this better than most.

 They sit there on that couch huddled together for a long, long time. Magnus’s hold never loosens, even after Alec’s cried himself to sleep. He never lets go.

 Not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I put this as complete, but I'll probably add more parts/chapters later on if/when I feel like it. The chapters also probably won't be in chronological order, but it should make sense. Please comment if your interested in reading more or if you have any feedback. Anything is much appreciated. <3


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